Clean Up, Aisle Three . . .

It’s been a stormy day here in The Bad Witch’s town and I’m a little late at getting to my post. It seems that whenever it storms, it storms. Know what I mean?

Now, I know I don’t tell you the details of my work like some bloggers do.[1] Some of y’all post photos of your altars and your tools and some of you give scripts for your rituals and some of you report your supplications verbatim. I love you for it. But it just never occurs to me to talk about the specifics of my practice (though I have). Theory, sure. I’ll go on and on all day about what I do and don’t venerate in The Star Ruby and how I tackle “O, Phalle!” (And why I feel the need to rewrite everything I was taught after 2002.) But it doesn’t occur to me to be really detailed. Until today that is.

Let me step back for a minute and give you a few background notes that you’ll need to follow this story through.

Most of my referrals are Christian women – Southern Baptist Convention to be exact. Some are Catholic, but not enough to speak of.[2] I’m always amused that women who were raised to believe that Pentecostal “speaking-in-tongues” lay somewhere between mass-hypnosis and demonic possession are the first to call on an Occultist when thing get out of their Preacherman’s reach. But, Lawd! Don’t tell nobody!

My discretion, my banal appearance, and my knowledge of Scripture (and ways of showing that Jesus approves of “what we do here today”) make me very popular among the polyester peplum crowd.

Oh, and my effectiveness. That too.

Most of those who call me want me to help out with things for which they are simply unwilling to pay a psychologist or a lawyer. So, I advise them and give them whatever placebo they think they need – and ultimately leave them with the business card of a local psychologist or a lawyer. No charge.

But every once in a while there’s something real that needs handling.

This was the case with a woman I helped with a “house issue” a few years back. (It’s The South; we don’t say “haunting” or “spiritual disturbance” or “demonic” anything – it’s a “house issue.”) Back then, she just had a “bad feeling about the place.” It is a huge old farmhouse in a little-bitty town the next county over. It had been her rents-in-law’s place, they had given it to their son, he had married her – we’ll call her Estelle, and she and her husband had lived there for thirty years until he died – a few months before “the issue” began.

She’d had her minister come out and “bless” the house a little after the funeral. Not only did things not improve, they deteriorated. She reported an increasing sense of dread, particularly in certain areas of the house, things would inexplicably break – not always precipitated by a fall, her children and grandchildren reported disembodied voices and vague apparitions: typical stuff. Estelle’s granddaughter is a local (very young, insanely successful) businesswoman with whom I have a friendly working relationship. One day while conducting business, she pointed at my pendant, “Do you do things for other people?”[3]

That’s how that happened.

This morning, Estelle’s daughter, we’ll call her Sally, phoned me and asked me to “help out” as she believed she may have been (in a whispered undertone) “cursed.” After a lengthy conversation I surmised the following. Sally knows this woman – um, Veronica – who, Sally feels, has some sort of “black magic” power over her. I tried all of the standard, “Are you giving Veronica power over you,” examination only to discover that this was indeed, a real deal. I won’t spin too much energy on telling what’s the specific what –as I don’t want to feed it. But I feel like I can offhandedly tell you this much: Sally has always been a bit competitive with Veronica; they went to high school together, they fought over boys together, eventually they fought over husbands, etc. Veronica always seemed to end up on top and it seemed, to Sally, that it was always at Sally’s expense. Sally has taken to calling Veronica “The Evil Bitch” as a proper noun in everyday conversation. Obvs there’s more to it – but that’ll do for now, no? Now, Sally believes that a series of very unlikely events have been directly caused by The Evil Bitch. After a series of discoveries I found that, “Yes, The Evil Bitch is doing these things,” and, “No, Veronica is not doing these things.” Everything pointed to Veronica being fairly detached from and disinterested in Sally and, well, to be honest, utterly benign. The Evil Bitch on the other hand was – well – an evil bitch. I scratched my head for a minute.

If you have been through this kind of thing before, I beg you – don’t tease me that it took me a minute to figure out WTF was happening. I’m not new at handling my own, um, “demons,” but, despite having left a stack of doctor and lawyer’s business cards about town, I haven’t handled more than a half-dozen real issues for other folks (aside from family – they count as my own demons[4]). Most of these have been fairly run-of-the mill.

When it occurred to me, it occurred to me hard.

Sally has put so much energy into developing the The Evil Bitch character – in frighteningly intentional ways – that she created a fecking thoughtform – not just a larva or gooey astral pest – one strong enough to actually do things. It wears Veronica’s face because that’s how Sally created it. It looks – for all intents and purposes – that Veronica is doing the damage because Sally created The Evil Bitch to pass for Veronica. It soothes Sally’s psyche to believe that Veronica is “out to get her” and it creates a much needed villain for Sally and her catty girlfriends. (Not unlike Batman, hmmm.) But, having poured that much energy into an energy being, giving it a name, giving it a purpose, no shit – giving it instructions. (I kid you not; sometimes I just want to shake people.) And, of course, because Sally is not a trained Magician who knows better, the damned thing has no death date or means of constraint. Fun, huh? I can dismantle the thing – getting Sally to let go will be the hardest part – but it won’t be cool. And I’ll still need to leave her with a card for the local psychiatrist.

Here’s my parting thoughts on this. I know that there are people tossing energy around all the time; I know that, often, this causes manifestations. I know that “normal” folks “work magic” all the time. None of that is a surprise to me, nor should it be to you.

I am called to mind of a conversation – what? Three years ago? – I had with someone who purported to be a hard-core Magical practitioner. In the context of a profound conversation, I asked about his/her thoughts on egregores, servitors, and elementals. S/he said that s/he “observed the elementals” and that s/he had “many servitors” and that “some of them don’t even know [that they are his/her servitors].” More head scratching.[5]

I only tell you this because I use this instance to remind myself that not everyone is on the same page when it comes to genuine Magical practice. But, like I also said – everyday-folks toss energy into the aether and get appropriate manifestations. But does that mean that they are “doing Magic”?

I’m not saying that they aren’t – this is a sincere question. Is what Sally did “Magic”? Sure, it’s akin to what Magicians do on purpose; does the fact that she did it unknowingly and ill-advisedly make it “not Magic”? Is it about “intent” again?

If so, then is what the aforementioned Self-proclaimed Magical Practitioner (SMP) does really “Magic”? Or is it “Just the way the universe works”? S/he has intent – just not knowhow. Does the fact that s/he doesn’t understand the theory behind it – or even have the language to discuss it competently – make it “not Magic”?

We Magicians like to be imperious[6] and it pisses some of us off just a little when those we perceive to be our intellectual inferiors “stumble onto” our playingfield. And we might even like to say, “Sure, it’s magic; but Sally had to call a real exorcist to sniff out and take care of The Evil Bitch.” Or, “Sure, it’s Magic; but SMP would be laughed out of any conversation with self-respecting Magicians and prolly wouldn’t be able to control his/her thoughtforms once created.”

But, then again . . .

 

Whatcha think?

Blessings, Quarks, 93,

The Bad Witch

 

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[1] I figure that just because I don’t tell you about what I cook every night doesn’t mean that you assume my family starves, or because I don’t tell you about social life you think I’m a hermit or a pariah, or because I don’t tell you about my BMs you assume I have a toxic colon, or because I don’t tell you about my sex life you think I’m celibate (or a prude). I figure y’all have enough sense to know my life is bigger than this page – and I appreciate that about you. Likewise, I figure that just because I don’t tell you the specifics of my training and practice schedule doesn’t mean you should assume I don’t have one. I am a Witch after all.

[2] Anyway, Southern Catholicism is more like Northern Baptistery than it is like anything in my experience with The Roman Catholic Church.

[3] I always feel like I look a little like the late Zelda Rubinstein when I first talk to someone. I can’t shake the feeling that I am 4’3” and my hair won’t stay tied up.

[4] Remind me to tell you about my Momma’s china cabinet and my (adult) nephew’s garbage can monster. *Hand on head.*

[5] Servitors, just for the record, are not human beings that one manipulates into doing our bidding without their consent. Those are called “victims.”

[6] Admit it.

The Atrum Traba: Dealing With Particularly Nasty Astral Energy

I’m about to attempt to share with you the development of and use of one of my favorite exorcism tools: The Atra Traba, The Dark Table. (Linguistically, this is a convoluted translation, but one I’m going to stick with for simplicity’s sake. The Darkness to which I refer is plural in nature and refers to the Darkness for which the table is used and not an adjective of the Table itself, so Atrum is appropriate (rather than singular Atra). Traba refers to a plank of wood, not necessarily a “table” – but as most capable practitioners are familiar with the use of The Holy Table of Practice, it is understood that this is not a “table” in the sense of four-legs-and-a-flat-top-at-which-one-sits.)

The purpose of this tool is to collect, call out, and banish (or exorcise) a particularly troublesome energy, entity, elemental, or (shiver) demon. I like to call these Astral Nasties and Etheric Ewies.

Astral Nasties run the gambit of self inflicted energy collections, elemental entities or thoughtforms sent over by the neighborhood Bad Witch (not, of course, yours truly), or demonic energies that have latched onto, gotten sucked into, or become enamored with a humans’ energy. Wherever they’ve come from, they all tend to do the same thing: cause trouble. And they cause trouble in the physical realm as well as the psychic realm. You don’t want to mess around with an Etheric Ewie that has gotten strong enough to shove, to turn electrical appliances on, or to be audible / visible (especially to the non-initiated).

One HUGE problem is that many practitioners believe that a simple “House Cleaning” will get rid of these Nasties. Oh, boys and girls, you will be in for a ride if you try to smudge a real Astral Nasty out of your home.

I rather like WitchVox.com, but often, when it comes to banishing, the attitude seems to be that “one size fits all.” In this (perfectly nice) article, author, Nita, explains how to do a house cleaning spell. Now, for most beasties, this will do just fine. Especially if you are just dealing with some residual ex-husband energy or “getting up in the corners” after a hectic visit from Aunt Sue.

However, this article on home cleansing, found in the most cursory of web searches, and the attitude that seems to spawn such advice, really frightens The Bad Witch (and that’s sayin’ sompthin’). This writer seems to indicate that all one needs is some herbs and oils and a little bit of warm-and-fuzzy to make the Ewie make an exodus. Um, no. Even the best of witches should use extreme caution when dealing with *real* Astral Nasties.

I was very pleased to, in that same cursory web search, find this article, which advises unabashedly that: “This ritual is not designed to handle very intense, negative beings that may fight back, and I wouldn’t recommend it for that. My advice is to find an expert to help you, or a ritual specifically designed and thoroughly tested for just such a problem.”  Very responsible. The Bad Witch approves.

You see, it’s like this.

If you have some leftover crap from a fight you had with the postman or a little depression lingering after a bad financial week, you have a “mini-ew” and you can, perhaps, get rid of the pest for good – easy peasy, like getting rid of a bothersome domesticated dog or something. Yeah, he might come back looking for another free meal, but a firm hand will banish the little doggie for good. Dogs are smart and don’t want to be yelled at. They’ll find someone else to take them in.

Let’s not take this metaphor too far or you might mistakenly think that The Bad Witch is advising you to take that bothersome doggie to a shelter or – worse – adopt it y’own self. Take good care of real stay dogs, sure. This metaphorical pooch  should not be fed of given shelter.  Seriously, I know folks who would (or, unfortunately, have) take in an Astral Nasty as though it were a homeless pup.

Like with stray dogs, Astral Nasties will take a varying level of confidence, experience, and technical know-how to get rid of a mini-ew. Hey, I’ve even seen newbies find success scaring off a mini-ew with no more than a set of well written instructions, a bare-bones tool kit of sage and a well-made oil, and a little tenacity. It’s an energy thing.

However.

Those really ganky Nasties and Ewies are like wild bears (only less sympathetic sometimes). They are looking for the same handout that the doggie is looking for, however, they have you outweighed by about five times, they are far less afraid of you than you are of them, they do not have the desire to please humans that dogs have developed – on account’o bears are wild (“duh,” my very intuitive daughter likes to tell me), and – quite freaking honestly – they have huge paws and teeth.

And they can smell your fear.

A traditional house cleansing or smudging does little more than anesthetize the bear. From my experience, about three days. I don’t know why it’s three days, it just usually is. When that bear wakes up, it’s going to be confused, clumsy, and pissed off.

So, you have done a basic sage-and-chanting house cleansing. And after three days of calm, just when you thought everything was going to be OK,  you suddenly find that you have one effing pissed off bear going through your cabinetry looking for Etheric Snickers. And it’s hungry (coz it’s been asleep for three days) and it’s off-kilter (coz you jazzed it up on a blend of sage and dragon’s blood oil) and it’s mad (coz there’s a tranquilizer dart sticking out its arse).  What do you do now?

What you DON’T do is shoot it with another dart.

My recommendation is that you call someone who knows wtf to do with this bear. Preferably someone versed in exorcism and / or Goetic Arts (a practice where a human actor evokes (i.e. draws out) an entity and projects it into a defined space – such as the Triangle of Art in Solomonic evocation).

If you don’t know or can’t locate said magician, learn what you can in as much time as you can afford about exorcism and Goetic Arts. Once you have the basic gist of the practice, make yourself an Atrum Traba. This is rather like The Triangle of Art and serves as a generic Lamen for those Astral Nasties.

Table of Art

The *real* work is in the “getting ready.” The “doing” of the exorcism seems to fall out from there.

Grab a piece of something solid. I have heard others say that this can be done with a piece of paper and a Sharpie. The Bad Witch is not convinced. Maybe construction paper and crayola work with one of those mini-ew doggies . . .  But, here, I think we need something more durable. We are bear hunting, after all. Grab a flat level of wood, a leftover bathroom tile, a cutting board, a handheld mirror, shoot – grab a dinner plate. “Carve” (with anything from acrylic paint to a Dremmel) a Table of Art.

Faust Manifesting Mephistopheles

The next trick is getting the energy to manifest itself into one unified being. This is the daunting part if you don’t know what you are doing (which is why I recommend you have some help from someone familiar with Goetia and in close conversation with their Agathodaemon).

You, the exorcist at this point, want to be *inside* a sacred circle. (If you don’t know how to do this, you are at the wrong cite and should search elsewhere and then come back. Sorry.) Sweep the entirety of the house or building or grounds and “accumulate” all of the Ewie-Nasty into one place. Command it to “manifest” itself onto the Table of Art. Those who understand Enochian or Goetian – particularly Solomonic – evocation, understand the function of the geometric shapes on the Table. If you don’t understand them, it’s OK, the Astral bear will. Once you have a “plastic” manifestation of the Nasty on your Table, command it’s name. If it was a unified being prior to your conjuration, it will have a name. If it was a conglomeration of beings and it has just become a unified being, this may take a bit longer. Well, this may take a good deal of time either way. Sometimes the Nasties don’t want to leave and, like the entities in Reagan, will toy with you to the extent that you allow them to. Don’t let them toy with you.

At all.

This is a bear, remember?

     How, pray tell, do you get an Astral Nasty to tell you its name, you ask. That, my dears, is a very good question.

    You begin with (yet another) table and a pendulum. This table is easy. I have, in a pinch, used my telephone         keypad. You just need something to display letters or sets of letters (think Ouija board). In a – sometimes painstaking – conversation with the Nasty, you will ask a series of questions in order to obtain it’s name. Like I said above, do NOT let it toy with you. Remind it that it answers to you and that you stand at the center of the (Etheric) cosmos as a representative of the Creator (its Creator). Hopefully you won’t have to resort to threats. If you find yourself expressing a parental tone and counting “1 … 2 … ,” The Bad Witch recommends that you place the entity in a state of stasis as best you can and call for back-up. If no back up is to be found, resort to threats – but be prepared to follow through with full authority. If you frighten easily, this is just not for you. (Go ahead and contact me. I’m here to help.)

Now that you have your Nasty / Ewie / bear in a state of manifestation, and once you know it’s name, banish it. Banish it good. Banish it hard. Mean it. Don’t invite the S.O.B. back. Not even in that small place in the back of your head that likes all of the Astral Drama. (It’s an effing BEAR.) Because if you invite it back – even sort of invite it back -it will come back. With friends. And then? Good luck to ya.

After it’s gone, be sure to close the portal through which you sent it. Silly. And lock it up tight. You are going to need some sleep.

Ground yourself well. Then quit thinking about it. Completely. (This is, indeed, easier said than done.)

A lot of witches will tell you that the best thing to do now is laugh. After all, laughter is a great banisher. This is true. However, The Bad Witch recommends you take it a step further – have a drink and watch something like Mystery Science Theater 3000. Laugh, yes. But laugh in such a way that moves your brain away from the Nasty and away from magic. A return to the banal and mundane physical life is a great sealant for the portal you closed and locked tight.

If the bear breaks your door in again, call animal control. It’s OK to admit that some things are beyond our (current) capacities.

Be safe.

Be blessed.

Be loved.

Blessings, Quarks, and 93,

TBW