According to Dane Cook, there are three things that we all have in common: lying, crying, and taking painful shits.

And The Bad Witch is having one of those days.

Hello, TBW. It's me, The World. (Watch the vid for a good 10 min laugh about crying.)

No, no, no, I’ve had all of the holiday bacon and vodka-based intestinal crowding worked out for over a week now, but thanks.

Today, is Cryday.[1]

I’ve been sucking it up for two weeks now and I’ve been stoic long enough.

I’m good at being stoic. I am the Witch you want in your corner during a crisis. I am the logical, breathe-and-move-silently, calmly-move-everybody-behind-heavy-objects-while-the-horse-flails-in-the-barn-aisle, find-the-flour-to-throw-on-your-hostess’-grease-fire-while-she-shrieks, make-sure-everyone-has-a-seatbelt, quickly-quickly-Google-Poison-Control-before-pouring-unnecessary-purgatives-down-a-child’s/pet’s-throat, find-funeral-clothes-(for-living-and-dead)-for-last-April’s-tornado-season, flip-the-circuit-breaker-before-anyone-gets-electrocuted, kinda gal.

I break down in a puddle of Weepy MacWeepathon aftah.

When I’m alone.[2]

The point is that I’m not used to crying. I have to work up to it. A couple o’Zinfandels usually does it. (Bottles, not glasses, btw.)

So today, I sit, feeling that feeling. That, “Do I break-out Steel Magnolias and prime the pump or do I suck it up a little longer?” feeling. Whenever I go with the latter, I tend to end up wanting to hit Ouisa Boudreaux and sell t-shirts.[3]

When I feel this way out of self-pity or when I feel this way out of those bad energies that swirl around us from time to time, I solve the problem by bucking the eff up with the former (this done by introspection and an attempt at self-improvement – or equine/canine/cultivation/handiwork/breaking shit with a hammer therapy).

For the latter, for those times when there is just no definable excuse for the weird energy, I do a little something I’ve always referred to as “cleaning up.”

If you ever need to give it a try, I found an entry almost exactly like the one I’ve always done in Dorothy Morrison’s “Energy Swifting” spell (Utterly Wicked). Here is a close approximation. [4] I highly recommend it. As a matter of fact, I have recommended it to a fellow craftswoman who has used it in her own way (though I cannot speak to this alteration’s success). Take the basic idea, make it your own. As long as your reasons for changing it are consistent and make sense.

I don’t think I need to do any casting or “cleaning” today. My mood is well founded: family news, family news, and family news (all either good or bad with an amazing silver-lining).[5]

I’m off for a hot bath, an early bottle of vino, a call to my momma, and a nice long sitdown with An Affair to Remember.

Between writing this and posting it, I got a very enlightening phone call. You know, the kind where my phone cuts out three or more times “during the witchy parts“? Turns out I might have a little casting to do after all.
Thank you to the caller. You said things I really needed to hear. Sorry about my possessed phone. Exorcism in order . . .

[1] And you gotta get down on Cryday.

[2] This is why I tend to attract the needy, the shrieky, the nervous, the weak, the hysterical, and the emotionally insolvent. Until recently, that is. I have a few new friends that make me say, “Oh, that’s what normal people act like!”

[3] So I turned on the TV. And watched The Shining. Or started to anyway. I’m in no mindset for The Overlook today. I watched Crazy, Stupid, Love over the holiday and cried like an idiot. It’s my life in two hours.

[4] I never made/make the salt arrow but use twine that I burn instead, a bit of a pyro, I am. And my choice of candle colors is determined by the nature of the energy around me.

[5] I’m not weepy because I’m sad. I’m overwhelmed by the good that has suddenly injected itself into my life. I’m blessed by the buffers that keep forming between me and potential misfortune. Everything that could go wrong keeps taking a left turn and dropping a bounty in my lap. I’m on the upswing of the wheel and it’s as overpowering as being on the underside of Fortuna’s cycle.

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